So I’ve had this thing about the radio; where I’m obsessive about always listening to the best possible song. I switch between every music-playing station I can receive even remotely clearly (this is maybe about 10 stations) , searching for the best song, rather than leaving the same station on while I drive. Not only that, but unless I find one of my favorite songs ever, I feel compelled to check all the other stations just in case I could be listening to something better. So basically most of my time in the car for the last few years has been spent fixated on switching radio stations.
I wanted to mention this to my psychologist on our last visit but we talked about other things and I forgot. But I noticed that on my way home, I didn’t do the radio habit — I simply decided, “It’s time to start settling for one station” and I did precisely that all the way home. It was surprisingly refreshing, but of course I had a little anxiety from time to time when I wanted to switch stations. I just had to remind myself: “If I switch stations now, I’ll just want to do it over and over again” and resist the urge using that reasoning.
But now I’ve realized I have a huge problem with clothes, too. Part of it is legitimate. I’ve been pregnant 2 times in the last few years and I’ve gained and lost a lot of weight. A lot of my clothes are too big for me now, and I’m fitting back into my old ones. But when I buy a new shirt or pants that fit relatively well, I find myself obsessing over the following types of thoughts:
“What if I get pregnant again and this would make a good maternity shirt but I bought it too small because I didn’t think I’d get pregnant?”
“What if I don’t get pregnant and I keep losing weight, and this shirt that fits now becomes too big?”
Of course I can’t possibly obey both of these suspicions at once without buying two of everything. Part of me wants to do that. But not only is it unaffordable, it’s unrealistic because the fact is even if I did get pregnant soon, I’d have no idea whether I would lose or gain more weight first, or whether I would lose or gain a lot during the pregnancy — thus, it would be impossible to predict what maternity clothes might fit me in a year or two. But, my mind keeps wanting to do this. I guess I’m preoccupied with wanting to make sure I make really responsible financial choices by buying clothes that will fit me for as long as possible, but that’s only realistic to a small extent as far as pregnancy goes.