Phone Throwing?

The other day, I had to borrow a stranger’s cell phone to make a call.

The entire time I was on the phone, I was bothered by a thought in the back of my head: That I would somehow, accidentally on purpose (?), throw the phone to the ground. I was probably afraid of accidentally dropping it, too — but more than that, I was plagued by the thought that for some reason (probably because it was the worst possible thing I could do in that situation), I would throw it to the ground on purpose.

I held on tightly to the phone while I was using it, to make sure I wouldn’t do this — even though I probably wouldn’t.

It’s like there was this little voice inside my head telling me: “Throw the phone. Just go crazy and throw the phone down for no reason, just because you can.” But never, ever in my life have I actually done anything like this. Well — there was one time in elementary school when we were using scissors, and I thought: “It would be bad if I randomly cut some of my hair off with those scissors” and so I did precisely that — but it was such a small amount that I don’t think anyone noticed.

Just goes to show how simple tasks can be very distracting with the intrusive thoughts of OCD…

2 thoughts on “Phone Throwing?

  1. mathematicallyconfused says:

    i can totally relate to this. it’s a feeling that i might not really be in control and could do anything at any time. sure, i have no evidence from the past that i am likely to do one of the bad things i worry i will do … but i also don’t have absolute proof that i won’t.

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