You know it’s bad when…

…You were doing a compulsion so much that you forgot it actually did temporarily relieve your anxiety until you stopped doing it at all and then realized how much your brain is screaming at you that something bad is going to happen if you don’t do that thing. o.o Like, you go all day without doing it for days and you’re like: “Yay! I’m winning!” but then you wake up in the morning after having dreams about doing it and the first thing your brain screams at you each morning is: “Hey! You know that thing you’re trying not to do? Do that!!”

It’s doubly bad because the whole time I was doing the compulsion, I was still feeling a ton of anxiety anyway. So basically the rule is: I can feel a lot of anxiety, and do compulsions.

OR

I can feel a lot of anxiety, and not do compulsions.

The compulsions at first appear to relieve the anxiety, but may actually exacerbate it.

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2 thoughts on “You know it’s bad when…

  1. josiahzero says:

    I also often find myself debating this choice: if I succumb to my compulsive desire then I can spend hours anxiously trying to perfectly satisfy the obsession; or I could ignore the compulsion and spend hours worrying about the imaginary consequences of that but actually get on with life; so I think I’ll take the choice to feel bad while satisfying my pointless obsession. The mind is definitely illogical at times. :-p

    • willitbeok says:

      Hahaha. Yes. OCD is kind of logical and illogical, in a weird way. It’s logical because the person with OCD is more aware than others of just how much uncertainty there is in life; it’s illogical because the person with OCD wants and strives desperately for that certainty, despite knowing it’s unachievable.

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