Lonely

Apparently, to those closest to me, my OCD means that I will never be taken seriously. I will never be given credit for admitting or dealing with it; I will never be rewarded or even acknowledged for this. Instead, I will only be dismissed at the drop of the hat; the first time I show concern about something, I’m told “Don’t worry”, as if I asked 10 or 20 times. I’m repeatedly pressured that my concern about something is “just my OCD” despite the fact that I think it’s a valid concern, and that I dealt with it reasonably. I am not entitled to acknowledgment of my concerns; I am only worth dismissal. I guess I’m the boy who cried wolf. But to me, it didn’t really seem like a game. I was sure there really was a wolf there all those times, or at least that there was a good chance there probably was, and now that I can tell the difference, at least somewhat reasonably, between OCD and normal concerns… it’s too late. I guess it’s just too late for anyone to take me seriously at all. That’s what I get for being born this way, I guess.

Is it too much to ask that it’s not the first assumption? That maybe, when I have a concern, it could first be addressed as a regular one? Then, if it keeps coming up… well, maybe it’s OCD. I’m willing to consider that my problems could be OCD — that’s why I went to therapy, that’s why I got diagnosed, that’s why I admitted it. But it seems my friends/enemies are unwilling to consider that I might sometimes not behave regarding OCD.

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Lonely

  1. I’m so sorry to hear this has been your experience. That was my greatest fear when I first started telling others about my OCD. I have been lucky/blessed to not have gotten the same reaction. Keep pressing on!

  2. You bring up an excellent point……maybe show your post to those close to you so they understand how you feel?????

  3. ocdslave says:

    I always get this too. Even people without ocd have worries. People go overboard allot. That’s why i don’t tell many people, and the ones that do know don’t know the full sorry 😦

  4. mfdavis says:

    Thank you for this….. I thought it was just me!

  5. Matt Marinello says:

    I don’t believe mental “illnesses” are illnesses. I believe they are mental traits….. Similar to having a certain eye color, or hair color. In the new dsm 5 i’m pretty sure the way things are going with constant invention of new “illnesses” that everyone is considered ill now. If everyone is abnormal then no one is abnormal. These mental traits are just ordinary. I’m doing a lot better without medication gradually. And the medication was making me progressively worse. It was probably making me mental. For most part my problems aren’t even detectable whether i’m distracted or not. I don’t believe in the pharmacracy. I believe more in psychology. Ocd is more effectively treated with therapy than drugs. I have permanent problems now caused by those drugs. Even after quitting them. My family ruined my life…. when they had the court force cops to put me in a mental hospital for two months. I feel like I stopped being a free citizen at that point…. I still don’t feel like I’m a citizen anymore…. I feel like I’ve been dropped a rank on the “caste” system permanently. I wasn’t a danger to me or anyone else….. I was just different. It’s natural for people to be bothered by differences….. It’s natural for people to be apathetic. You can’t expect people to be these loving intelligent empathetic Buddha Jesus’. Now that I’m off medication I only have momentary ocd during specific situations but 95% of the time I’m completely fine. I have heard that antipsychotics can make ocd worse and even make people without ocd display ocd symptoms. i think to truly change this trait for the better you have to seriously scare yourself fearless. but that’s easier said then done and I’m still procrastinating and probably will when I’m 50 years old.

    • Matt, your experience sounds amazingly similar to my son’s. He had severe OCD and was on so many meds, including antipsychotics. As you say, not only did they not help him, they hurt him. What saved his life was getting off these meds and seeing a therapist who specializes in treating OCD. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) Therapy literally saved his life.I ‘m sorry you’ve had such a rough time and wish you all the best.

    • willitbeok says:

      Good to hear from you again Matt! Sorry it’s taken so long for me to reply, WordPress automatically logged me out and I couldn’t be bothered to remember my password for a while. :\ I think you have a great way of looking at things. I do believe in mental illnesses b/c at a certain point things like OCD interfere with our own lives, and that’s when they’re a problem — not just because others think we are unusual or weird, and I think that’s the key. We should define what is a mental illness by how much it interferes with our lives, not simply because it’s something that makes us different. That’s what I think, anyway.

      I’m happy for you that you are achieving success without medication. Even for people who need medicine, psychology and therapy are the most important parts, in a lot of cases. And yes, sometimes our own families can be the least understanding… or sometimes in family members, we see things we actually dislike about ourselves, so lash out for that reason. Sometimes I think the things that bothered my dad most about me were actually things he disliked about himself, as well.

      Please keep in touch and it’s always great to hear from you! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s