This is Weird

I have a tic. I’m pretty sure it’s a tic. And it’s really, really weird.

I have the breathing/gasping tic, which I’ve written about before. I also feel the need to sniffle or snort sometimes that’s different from a typical need to do so (hard to explain, but makes sense if you already know what having tics is like). The need is real, but it’s also different. But now there’s this other thing that’s popped up or I’ve just begun noticing and it’s really, really weird.

I’ll be eating, chewing my food, and about to swallow when all of a sudden I feel like I need to sniffle. There’s nothing in my nose, and my nose is not itchy. This is simply the worst possible time I could need to sniffle, because it involves the danger of choking on my food. For some reason that seems to actually tell my brain: You need to do this right now. So what I have to do is sniffle very, very carefully in order not to choke on my food, and often feel like I need to do it several times.

It’s funny because when people think of Tourette’s they think of people who blurt out the worst possible thing in social situations, such as a curse word. In my case it seems to be more about the worst possible thing in a more inward sort of way.

Of course, I can just avoid doing it — but then I think about it. I have to think about not doing it, and that’s distracting. So then I have a choice — do something distracting, or be distracted by feeling like I need to do it. Which is more distracting?

It’s not like this is greatly interfering with my life — it’s just odd, and mildly interesting. I do hope I don’t choke on my food, though. :\

4 thoughts on “This is Weird

  1. Karolina with a K says:

    My OCD often gets me feeling similar things, with its repetitious unwanted thoughts… Thankfully my symptoms have quieted down and thankfully I don’t have Tourette’s. My papa does though, and he hasn’t been able to go to church in probably fifty years because of his cursing. :/ It’s sad how even Christians are so judgmental! But I digress. I sympathize with this post although I’d never claim to fully understand. This was entertaining to read though! Good to see you on WordPress.

    • willitbeok says:

      I’m sorry that your Papa isn’t able to go to church because of his Tourette’s! 😦 That must be hard for him. I wish they were more understanding about things like that! I can see how they wouldn’t be tolerant of someone willfully swearing in church, but TS is different.

      TS is hard to understand, but probably not THAT hard. It’s kind of like there are two reasons I sniffle: one, because my nose itches or something is in my nose. And two, because my nose just “feels funny.” It’s almost like needing to blink.

  2. I wonder if this new tic, or whatever it is, might go away as quickly as it seemed to appear? I wish we all better understood why and how it starts up in the first place……..glad it’s not really interfering with your life.

    • willitbeok says:

      After thinking about it, I don’t think it’s new — I think I’ve had it before, and it comes and goes, but I never really thought about it much until recently (apart from finding it slightly annoying). Sometimes… and this only goes for my minor tics… if I ignore the urge, it will eventually go away. Strong ones like the gasping tic will stay with me and if I resist it feels like I’m going to die, but I sometimes find that the ones I CAN resist, resisting actually does help.

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