Out Of Hiding

After what feels like almost a lifetime of trying to hide my symptoms from others, it feels nice not only to admit having OCD and tics but to be open about this with others. That means sharing with people in a way that is meaningful. That being said, I’m still reluctant to tell every single person I meet that I have OCD right away; I have no way of knowing how they will react. In fact, I still wonder how many of those close to me are secretly ashamed of who I am after finding out. Would some people rather me hide my flaws, and pretend they don’t exist, than admit them? But also, some people just don’t take it that seriously — the casual, faux “I’m so OCD” type of people. And I don’t even want to judge or be rude to those — they just misunderstand, after all. So while I don’t necessarily announce to everyone, it’s nice to be comfortable with being open about who I am and why I am that way. I like not feeling like I have to hide anymore. I wish that I could trust everyone to be reasonably understanding. If I knew that, I would tell everyone right away.

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2 thoughts on “Out Of Hiding

  1. thehowlingfantogs says:

    I think with Tourette’s and OCD you feel the need to justify your behaviour every time you meet someone new. I know my friends don’t care, but every time they introduce me to one of their friends, I wonder if they have been warned ahead. I also get annoyed by those ‘I’m so OCD’ people too. They obviously don’t think of the real meaning.

    • willitbeok says:

      Yep — you’re exactly right. Whenever I meet new people, I’m fully aware that I’ll be doing things that may appear strange to them. If I don’t explain, sometimes they ask questions anyway (When I do my gasping tic, I’m often asked if I’m nervous. While it is worse when I’m nervous, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I am nervous, because I have it every day regardless to varying degrees of intensity). I also worry that because of my OCD, people won’t take my concerns seriously, and will feel that I’m blowing things out of proportion or “just worrying too much.” Sometimes I have to work extra hard to prove a concern is valid because I have a history of freaking out over invalid things.

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