The “30 Things” Post

Apparently there’s this thing going around now, where you post 30 things about your invisible illness that others may not know. What else may you not know? I’m up late, and very tired right now, but always very tired as I’m taking care of a newborn lately. Anyway, you can thank invisibleillnessweek.com for this post and here’s the beginning of this whole trend, also apparently.

Note: I could’ve made this about OCD, chronic tic disorder, OR hypothyroidism. Or idiopathic/immune (depending on which doctor you ask) thrombocytopenic purpura. But in the interest of simplicity, and not making anyone pronounce any new words, I picked OCD. Will I do others in the future? If I get bored, maybe.

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2013
3. But I had symptoms since: As long as I can remember.
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Realizing that my brain frequently tells me something is wrong when it’s not.
5. Most people assume: That OCD just means I like having things neat and am particular.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: That I often wake up immediately thinking about something that really bothered me from yesterday, which I had tried to stop thinking about.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: Um… I don’t really have one. I’ve seen a few episodes of House that I liked, but I doubt there is such a thing as a medically accurate medical TV show, unless it’s a documentary of some kind, in which case it’s probably not a show. This was a really long answer. Anyway, medicine is a strong interest of mine so I have a feeling the inaccuracies in popular dramas would frustrate me (though this would actually have nothing to do with my OCD). I just made the long answer even longer!
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My iPad mini, but only because it’s the last present my dad got for me before he died.
9. The hardest part about nights are: Trying to stop thinking about everything that’s been bothering me.
10. Each day I take 2 pills & vitamins. (No comments, please)
10.5: I really really wanted to add a comment to #10. And that is, I take 0 pills & vitamins that have anything to do with treating my OCD.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: This depends on what you mean by “alternative.” If you mean homeopathy or seeing a chiropractor, no. But I am open to lots of other things. I am a skeptic, and I believe in modern medicine and science.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Visible, because then I don’t have to explain to people what is wrong. As much. Maybe.
13. Regarding working and career: Fortunately, my OCD has not interfered much with this, except for sometimes making me tired from being up all night being upset about something for nights on end.
14. People would be surprised to know: That me being detail-oriented and meticulous is probably a completely different facet of my personality unrelated to my OCD.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: Actually, being diagnosed was a big relief for me, and I think I faced more struggles when I didn’t know or tried to hide my problems. Since I’ve most likely had OCD my whole life, if this question means a contrast between life before OCD and life after, I really can’t answer that.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Um… stopped thinking about something that bothers me? Because that’s pretty much simultaneously the most stupid and simple-sounding accomplishment yet also the most difficult one. Raising children is pretty tough, though.
17. The commercials about my illness: I don’t really see any.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Worrying? No, I don’t miss worrying, plus I still do it anyway. Otherwise I do the same stuff.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: A feeling of trust in my poorly wired instincts.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Blogging about my diagnosis.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Since I’ve always had OCD, I always feel normal. 😦 But um… I would probably accomplish a LOT more if I didn’t have to spend so much energy trying to ignore my own thoughts. So I would probably just go out and do a lot of stuff.
22. My illness has taught me: That I have the power to ruin my life by creating problems because I’m worried that they will exist.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: That I’m worrying about something “little” or “not a big deal.” If I felt like it wasn’t a big deal, why would I be worried about it? Oh, thanks, that thing I thought was a big deal is suddenly not a big deal just because you said so without stating any other reasons or even trying to find out why I think it’s important! Thanks!
24. But I love it when people: Help me restructure my own thoughts instead of rebuilding them for me. For example: “Do you REALLY think washing your hands again will make you feel finally sure that they are clean, or will you maybe just want to do it again in five minutes?” versus “You’re worrying too much! Stop washing your hands all the time! Why are you making a big deal out of nothing?!”
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: Um… I need to find one. I do think being able to laugh in the face of adversity is important, though. (Being able to laugh at yourself and your situation. Not like… laughing cruelly at your enemies. That’s not what I mean.)
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: To expect people to make a bunch of assumptions and give nonsense advice. Constantly. And just to be pleasantly surprised when it doesn’t happen.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: I can’t really answer this because I’ve probably always had OCD.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Treated me as though my thoughts, feelings, and concerns were valid and important.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I have an invisible illness, I’m bored, and need to update my blog.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Special?

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4 thoughts on “The “30 Things” Post

  1. You mentioned trying to ignore your thoughts. Does trying to make your brain shut up cause you to talk to yourself? I started talking to myself about 15yrs ago, & it’s gotten worse as my anxiety has gotten worse. Even with the meds I just can’t get my brain to shut up. I’m trying to go back to work, so it’s become a real concern of mine.

    I’m in the middle of moving, so it’s something I want to bring up at the new clinic. Just wondering if you had the same problem.

    • willitbeok says:

      Hmm… Well, I do talk to myself sometimes, but not in a way that bothers me or I feel I can’t control. However, it could simply be the way your anxiety is presenting itself to you, and not necessarily a problem in itself. Does that make sense?

      A lot of times my OCD is more about obsessional thoughts and obsessional worrying, so this is mainly what I’m referring to in my post. But even OCD that manifests as compulsions can be traced back to originating thoughts, repetitive ones that won’t go away.

      • Mine is mostly obsessional & usually I’m talking to my brain trying to get it to stop. It feels like a kettle blowing off steam, because I have so much going on in my head it spills out.

        Hopefully I can get it under control. 🙂 I’m trying to at least be more conscious of it so I can manage not embarrassing myself when I get another job.

      • willitbeok says:

        This sounds pretty normal for OCD, in my opinion. Just from what you’ve said so far. I understand what you mean about the “kettle” feeling. I believe if you can work with your therapist and get the OCD and anxiety under control, it will improve. Sometimes when we are under the pressure of anxiety, it is hard to behave in a way that others see as normal. They don’t see or understand the stress we are going through…

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